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Earlier this week, I read a great blog from Chad Missildine. In it, he dissected what he thought was the biggest mistake that single people make. (It’s being discontent, for the record.) I have to say that I agree. But since reading that, I’ve realized that we could take it one step further. So, I want to take a minute to unearth what single girls are doing wrong.

As girls – like it or not (and I don’t) – we analyze. There’s a step-by-step thought process to what we wear, who we’re spending time with, what we eat – and don’t forget the ‘why’ for all of this – and on and on and on. Relationships are a whole different story. Personally, my tendency is to assume the worst and really sabotage my friendships and relationships because I don’t feel like I deserve them (Lies). As I was thinking about a recent friendationship (you can have that one…it’s free), I realized something huge for me. Ladies and gentlemen, pay attention. I’m about to let you in on the big secret. Here we go…

Girls often confuse convenience with love.

Whoa…I know. Pump. Those. Brakes. Let’s dig in.

Tara-Leigh Cobble, a friend of mine and very talented writer, in her book
Here’s to Hindsight
had this to say:

“In my experience, the inherent problem with male-female friendships is this: girls tend to fall for familiarity, and guys tend to fall for mystery. As the girl gets to know her guy friend better and learns about his character, he becomes more and more attractive to her; meanwhile she becomes less mysterious and intriguing to him, and she slowly sinks into the quicksand of ‘Just-Friends Land’.”

Pretty smart, right? That about sums it up for me. I think we often get mixed up in thinking that just because there’s someone who cares for us that’s frequently around that there should be some sort of romanticism there. Definitely not the case. We need to stop settling for just “what’s around.” The amount of stories I’ve heard about girls (though I’ve seen guys do this, too) saying and doing whatever necessary to keep a relationship that they know is NEVER going to work, if they’re being honest, moving forward is appalling. We weren’t made for just okay. Especially not when God has our best interest at heart.

Yes, I believe there comes a point where discontentment is the issue. Our parents’ society set us up to believe that there is a formula for our lives: we go to school, then college, get a job, get married, start a family, keep working, spoil some grandkids, retire, the end. For so many years, I’ve been shooting for “what’s next” on the list of things to do in my life. The problem is our generation is waiting longer and longer to get married. It’s a conflict of interest; I’m not ready to even THINK about marriage, but I feel unfulfilled – like I’m missing out on something by being 25 and only casually dating.

I’ve lost count of how many times my friends and I have sat around talking about our guys friends and the thought “I just can’t read if he’s interested or not” comes in to play. Why do we feel the need to complicate these things? If the other person is interested, they’re going to let you know. It’s time to stop worrying about it and just enjoy each other. I know I’d rather just kick back and watch the game with my boys than wonder which one may or may not “like me”. No one likes confusion and games (and we’re getting a liiiiiiittle too old for them), so let’s just agree to stop playing them. Let’s enjoy this season of learning, growth, and independence and remember that, at the end of the day, what’s gonna happen will happen. Besides, the other secret is this: there’s no rush.

Just sayin’.

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My friendwhomihaveknownforwaytoolongtonotcallhersister Becky came over early (okay, it was like 11) today. We painted our nails, talked about boys, hopped in a car and drove down the highway listening to country music. We ate at a Texas original restaurant and shopped til we couldn’t anymore. Then we got back in the car, talked about boys a little more, made onnnnnnnne little stop at Nordstrom, and then the sun set.

After a mildly frustrating arrival at home, I decided to go to Target. A song came on a mix cd I found that I hadn’t heard since high school during the drive. It reminded me of a much simpler time and a person who I feel like I sometimes lose sight of. It made me miss getting in trouble with Mackenzie. It brought back the very distinct sound of laughter that follows hours of scarf jump-roping. In that moment, I became hyper aware of who I am today. The problem – in my opinion – with my society is that we can be anyone we want on social media. We can support a cause without giving them a single penny or second of our time, we can criticize government and injustice without getting out of bed, and we can boost our own ego sitting alone in a coffee shop. I’m guilty of it, too. And honestly, this wasn’t the point I wanted to make. What I’m really trying to say – or ask, rather – is who the hell are you, anyway?

The one thing I can always remember my dad telling me growing up was to never act like I’m better than where I came from. Any of my friends here in Nashville will tell you that I LOVE my hometown. And love it, I do. But more than a city, I loved who I was there. I was bare feet running through my neighborhood. I was jeans and a tshirt for as far back as I can remember. I was the sound of loud (go figure) laughter with a friend into the wee hours of the morning. I was the middle child of a middle class family whose love was never not shown.

I believe that, in leaving home, you have to branch out of your original story. You add chapters and new characters come into the picture. But, I never want to forget the worst trouble I ever got into throwing a party with Mackenzie. I can’t imagine not sitting in Anessa’s bedroom telling her bedtime stories. I don’t know who I’d be without Sarah, or Marci, or Mallory. I never want there to be a time when my heart doesn’t explode with joy at the sound of my dad’s laugh or hearing my mom sing. And for that reason, I am so glad that I get to have a little piece of home here in Becky. Having someone who knows not only who I am, but who I’ve been and who I always will be, is the most comforting thing. I love her here for those times when a single look says a million words that only someone you’ve known since you were seven could understand.

Little sister, I am grateful for you more than you know. I am so proud to see you fully come into your own. I love getting to share this adventure with you. And I had the best day with you today.

little birdy told me…

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