You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2010.

You’re reading part eight of my 30 (ish) day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:

Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel
Day 2 — Your vices – Just Read It
Day 3 — Your parents – Barry & Carla
Day 4 — Your siblings – Barry & Daryl
Day 5 — Your dreams – I’ve got lots
Day 6 — Someone that inspires you – Stacey
Day 7 — Your job – Work in progress

Today I get the privilege of talking to you about a complete stranger. Sounds weird, I know, but that’s today’s topic: Your fave internet friend you’ve never met. Funny thing is, I feel like I’ve known Stephanie for years. She was ever so gracious to write a blog about me and I feel the only way to do her justice, is to return the favor. Here’s my letter to Steph:

Sister girl,
Honestly, I feel like copying and pasting your entire letter to me over here and just changing the name…because everything you said about me, I see in you. But, that would not be appropriate and plagiarism isn’t too high up on my priorities.

I hope Cali is treating you swell. It looks good on you so far. I know it isn’t easy, but I know you are there because that is where God wants you. Don’t forget that…it is where HE wants you.

I count you as one of my dearest friends. You’ve seen (or read through emails of) me at my lowest of lows. You listened to me as I went through drama with the most impossible woman I’ve ever known. You gave the best advice and challenged me to really understand who I am and what I believe and why I believe it (sidenote: the word believe is really tricky to type for me sometimes and now it doesn’t event look like a word…believe…weird…….moving on). You never once judged me when I poured out my heart about “the boy”, in my decision to let him go, doubting my decision and then beating myself up for falling for him again, and then started the process over and over and over again…you just offered encouragement and the proverbial shoulder to cry on.

I don’t think you give yourself nearly enough credit. You are so talented; in writing, in music, in everything! You’ve got a heart of gold and such a capacity to love. Your vulnerability is so refreshing and you are such a beacon of hope…to everyone you know. I know…I do my own Facebook stalking 😉

You are going to do some amazing things. I’m so glad to be just a small part of your story.

I’ll see you this spring! Unless, that is, you want to see Nashville in the fall. Let’s face it…it’s pretty fantastic.

L.A., here I come!
Krystin

P.S. I’m actually a little (and by a little, I mean a LOT) mad at you for not calling me the INSTANT you met Matthew Gray Gubler! Seriously?! Criminal Minds is my favorite show! So pissed. Maybe I’ll meet him on set…I got the hook up! Haha!


Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

You’re reading part seven of my 30 (ish) day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:

Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel
Day 2 — Your vices – Just Read It
Day 3 — Your parents – Barry & Carla
Day 4 — Your siblings – Barry & Daryl
Day 5 — Your dreams – I’ve got lots
Day 6 — Someone that inspires you – Stacey

Clearly it’s not September 7th. Clearly, this won’t be 30 exact days. I have started this blog over and over and over again since the seventh. I didn’t know what to tell you…whoever you are. Because telling you the truth would be telling you my fears and failures…and I’ve never been that open before…at least not in a public forum. But here I am, on September 23rd, ready to tell you of my roller coaster of emotions over this month.

I was contacted a month ago today, by the grace of God, about an amazing job offer. To assist the extremely gifted and hilarious pastor at the church I attend. Everything happened so fast. I went in confidently. I had the experience, having worked at a church in Texas for the past two years, and love administration/pastoral care. My sweet, sweet mom prayed over me before I went in and I left that afternoon knowing that I nailed it. I have a lot of friends in common with this guy, I have the experience, I’m fun and quirky. I was told that I’d be hearing back over the next week. I had told a few people about it and they were all super encouraging. One of the best being our Youth Coordinator, Jehan. Seriously, the woman is blessed. Anytime I’m around her, she’s so calm and collected and just breathes out a sense of peace. And she told me not to worry about it. So, I stopped. And I really didn’t think anything about it until that ‘next week’ came and inevitably went.

That’s when my old friend doubt showed up. I convinced myself that this was MY job and that the way God showed it to me was no accident (seriously though, I dropped my bulletin while praying for a job and the announcement was where my thumb was) and there was no one else who could do it. Outwardly, I was fine. But it was the inside of me that fully became jealous and worried. All of the sudden, I realized that my life in Nashville depended on this job.

A week and a half ago, I got an email saying that I didn’t get the job. I’m not a crier, so that didn’t happen, but my world collapsed. What is wrong with me? Why didn’t they like me? Who is this person that took my job? What’s so much greater about them? (SIDENOTE: this is not about the girl who got the job. I’ve yet to meet her, but I hear great things. This is about me, ONLY me, and my own fears of my self-worth.) What am I supposed to do now? Yeah…me and doubt go WAYYYYY back. I became embarrassed. How could I ever show my face in that building again? They’d all be laughing at me. I was cleaning my room when I got that email and, for the second time in just a few short weeks, I dropped my bulletin and out fell my notes.

We’ve started a new series at Crosspoint called “Empty Promises” and the first week, the preview week, Pete had us take a quiz to find out what our idols were. I looked in complete shock and amazement because, although I had only taken it the day before, I couldn’t believe my answers.

Success and Work.

You have no worth without a job title. People will not respect you or befriend you without a cool job. It’s all about who you know and who you’re associated with. “That job” is beneath you…that’s reserved for lowly college kids. All of your friends are rockstars…what’s your problem? These are the lies that I’ve believed about myself over the past 5 years. And with reason: my best guy friend IS a rockstar, my best girl friends are a well-traveled photographer (who is a great singer) and an experienced artist manager (who is a model). All of my friends are beautiful and way too talented for their own good. I truly don’t fit in. Like the weird guy on Entourage…seriously…what’s his purpose. What’s MY purpose.

And that’s when God smacked me in the face.

Okay, figuratively (although it felt more literal). God knows my heart. He knows my thoughts. He made me. And although He gave me a servant’s heart, that’s not what would happen if I had gotten this job. This job would’ve been a way to say ‘look at me…look at what I do…look at who I hang with…don’t you wish you were me…’ and that’s not what neither myself nor this guy needed. God saved me from putting myself in that position. And when I realized this and prayed for guidance and forgiveness. He showed up. Instantaneously.

Two days later, I was going to the Crosspoint offices to help Jehan with some stuff for Charge. Pulling up to the church, I get a phone call from Sarah in the main office…asking if I can come meet with her at some point in the week. So, I walked in and talked with her for a bit and the next day she called me and offered me a job! I start on Monday.

I don’t deserve this. Truly, I don’t. But God has always been far more gracious to me than I deserve. I’m honored to have this job that I can go to and do work in His house and bring Him, not me, glory. I’m grateful for a chance to be allowed to use my servant’s heart for everyone there. It feels like going home…and I can’t wait to start.


Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

You’re reading part six of my 30 day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:

Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel
Day 2 — Your vices – Just Read It
Day 3 — Your parents – Barry & Carla
Day 4 — Your siblings – Barry & Daryl
Day 5 — Your dreams – I’ve got lots

If there is one thing that I have learned about people: it’s that they are prone to disappoint you. Friendships, as with anything else in life, are seasonal at best. There are exceptions to the rule, however and my brave best friend is one of them.

Back in the summer of 2006, a group of friends went to one of my favorite restaurants in Nashville – Sunset – for a going away party to celebrate our friend Aaron. I knew most of the people there, but there were some that I did not. I had heard of one of the girls at the table but, with a name like Rowdy, how could I not? She stood up and said “HEY! I’ve got 10 free tickets to the Hootie and the Blowfish show next week…who wants to go?” Crickets. It was so out of the blue! My thoughts? I like concerts. I like Hootie. I love free! I slowly raised my hand and said “I’ll go!” The next week, we had a pre-show barbecue. This is the first of MANY adventures we’ve had:

There was the time we went spelunking:

The time we built a snowman…

and the time we went to the fire station:

These are all just the tip of the iceberg. We had FUNNNN.

But there’s a reason I call her my brave best friend. She’s fearless. In everything. But in the past two years, the Lord really put his hands all over her. She quit her Master’s program, moved home to Florida, then off to Colorado where she really found the way He was calling her. She’s in month 3 of an 11 month race around the world called, oddly enough, The World Race. In each place, she and her team are doing missions and diving in to the depths of depravity to show the love of Christ. And coming from a non-believing family and a lot of her own demons, this is a miracle and so humbling to watch. Please, keep up with her blog and join me in praying for her. Or, if you feel led, donate to her trip! I guarantee God will stir your heart through her words.

Back in February, she came to visit me. We discussed our favorite birthdays, as it was her birthday weekend. Mine was my 13th. My parents took me and a couple of friends to Houston for the weekend. We went to Astroworld one day, stayed in a really great hotel, and went to F.A.O. Schwartz and the Galleria the next day. It was amazing and I felt so special. On her 13th birthday, she plowed the back field at her parents house. That was so foreign to me because a.) birthdays are big deals in our house and b.) I can’t even operate a normal lawnmower properly. But the very next day, my parents surprised us and had us go stay overnight in Houston at a really nice hotel, went to dinner, and shopping at the Galleria. My parents gave her money for her trip and everyone was crying. She got my birthday! I’ve always considered her a sister, but that weekend solidified it. My parents took her in, showed her love and treated her just like one of their own because she mattered to me. Again, I have the BEST parents.

Rowdy is the most brave person I know. And she encourages me to be brave just by knowing her. I hope you find yourself as moved by her as I am. This world would certainly be a less exciting place without her.


Day 7 — Your job
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

You’re reading part five of my 30 day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:

Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel
Day 2 — Your vices – Just Read It
Day 3 — Your parents – Barry & Carla
Day 4 — Your siblings – Barry & Daryl

I have started, deleted, started, deleted, stared at my screen so many times in the past hour because I honestly don’t know where to start. Do I talk about my actual dreams? Do I talk about being a chronic day-dreamer who envisions everything like a movie? Do I talk about how the Lord speaks to me through my dreams? Do I talk about all of that…or none of that?

Any time I talk to my dad, he tells me to not lose sight of my goal. What he means is for Tennessee…don’t give up. The problem is, which I always remind him, is that I don’t know what I want to be or do “when I grow up”. It changes on a daily basis: Interior Designer, Artist Manager, Tour Manager, Fashion Stylist, and on and on and on. However, there has been one constant in my life. High School students. My heart belongs to them. I tried to run from it, but they always come into my life. So, I’ve decided to stop fighting it. And if I were being honest about my dreams, I’d say that I have all the normal ones a young girl has: I want to be successful, I want to fall in love, I want a nice house and a range rover (okay, that’s a little excessive, i know. But it’s my dreams!), the jury is still out on kids…but I want the opportunity to change my mind, I want long-lasting friendships, I want my family to be happy, and so on. But with my heart belonging to my girls, my dreams are mostly for them.

I dream that they’ll be brave. I dream that they’ll experience all that life has to offer…at least the good parts of it. I dream that they’ll see themselves the way that I do: beautiful, talented, and with no limit to what they can accomplish. But more than anything, I dream that they’ll know the Father in a way that can completely change their lives and that they’ll pursue after Him daily.

My dreams will never stop. I see myself doing amazing things with amazing people. And every day that I wake up is a dream come true. In this life, there are so many times that I have to pinch myself to see if I’m awake or not. This town has given me so much to look forward to and every opportunity to make my dreams come true, both for myself and for others. We’ll just have to wait and see how this crazy ride continues…

“We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter’s evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.” — Woodrow Wilson


Day 6 — Someone that inspires you
Day 7 — Your job
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

You’re reading part four of my 30 day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:

Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel
Day 2 — Your vices – Just Read It
Day 2 — Your parents – Barry & Carla

For the longest time, I wished I were an only child. Seriously. It’s kind of ridiculous. But, I’m not…even though my siblings claim that I’m the favorite. And although I’d like to think that I am, again, I’m not. And honestly, that’s a very selfish thought because I have two AMAZING siblings.

Barry is crazy…but crazy in a good way. He is CRAZY talented. We have a video from the Christmas when he got his bass guitar…first day he’s ever had it and had never played one before…picks it up and starts playing behind my sister who is singing for the camera. And he’s on beat and in tune. He can draw better than anyone I know. He went to the Art Institute and has his degree in computer graphic and gaming design…I think that’s what its called. He is super funny. So funny, in fact, that I didn’t become funny until he left for college. He makes the best sound effects and can make a roll of paper towels seem like the most hilarious thing in the world. He’s got a natural gift for making people feel comfortable. We’ve had our ups and downs, but who hasn’t. When I was about three, we watched Peter Pan…I think it was my first time to see it. Afterwards, we went to our room and got on the top bunk. Peeking over the edge, he told me that if I believed and thought happy thoughts I could fly, too. Now, you would have to see Barry at this point in his life. 4 years old. Light brown ringlet curly hair. BIG green eyes. I loved him and wanted to be just like him. His natural ability to captivate you was already in full swing. Like a doofus, I believed him. So, sat up on my knees, spread my arms out beside me, closed my eyes and thought happy thoughts. In the next three seconds, I remember being in the air and soaring across the room. Of course, I crash landed on a fire truck and proceeded to cry. Barry got in trouble. He had a little mischevious side to him…and still does. I know what you may be thinking: KIDDING?!?! But the only thing I remember about that moment was the feeling of soaring.

My sister is one year and 364 days younger than me. She won’t let me say two years. She makes me sick. She’s the cute one. When we were little, she had these HUGE brown eyes that could melt your heart. HUGE! Seriously, the girl could get away with murder. We did everything together. Our parents dressed us alike, we had all the same friends (and for the most part still do), we were ALWAYS given the same birthday gifts. Daryl and I used to always have pageants in our living room and make our parents judge. I feel like I always won because of my “swimwear”, which was my maroon crushed velvet gymnastics leotard, but I’m sure we’re pretty even. The best thing about her being the baby was that she would always do whatever just to be included…and Barry and I would use that to our advantage sometimes. The only time she would not play with us is when she was “it” at Hide & Seek. The moment she became “it”, she was done. Which is hilarious. She idolized me, which has always been a tough cross to carry, but putting myself in her shoes, I’d probably do the same for her.

Fast forward and we’re grown-ups. Well, sort of. Daryl is 22, I’m 24 and Barry will be 26 in November. Life isn’t as simple as it used to be. We’re dealing with relationships and different thought processes and having families. Just here recently, I’d say that my brother went through the hardest thing I can imagine he’s ever gone through before. My heart was devastated for him. I cried and got angry with God and was so bitter. And although I wasn’t there to see him, the way he handled it really checked my heart. He stayed strong. He stood up to the situation and made it to the other side. He’s got such a big heart. He’s a great man and, whether he believes it or not, he carries all the best qualities of our dad and our grandfather. He is going to be a wonderful husband and an amazing father. And Daryl? She’s amazing. She is working and working on her degree. She spent the past couple of years with a guy that was not for her. She may not see it, and she and I have talked about this, but he changed her. She lost sight of who she was and who God has called her to be. It devastated me. It was so hard to watch. And of course, you never want to believe that or keep hearing that when you’re in the middle of it. But she is so beautiful and has such a big heart and is capable of loving so much and so fiercely and to see it be wasted on someone who could honestly care less just broke my heart. I’m so glad that she is surrounding herself with good people and reinvesting in relationships with her best friends. She has all the qualities of our mom and grandmother. Strong willed, fiercely loving, great cook! haha! She will be a great wife to her perfect match. And holy best mom ever award! She’ll be a great mom. When I moved to Nashville the first time, she told me that God gave me wings and that I was meant to soar and get out of our town and be great. The thing is, she doesn’t realize she’s been given her own wings. They’ve been hidden for the past few years, but they’re starting to come back out again. I can’t wait to see where life takes her.

Seriously, I’ve been spoiled. Amazing parents who’ve shown me real love. Amazing siblings who have shown me real life. Nothing is perfect. It never has been and it never will be. But we’re finally all getting our footing and the world should watch out. Together, there’s nothing that can stop us.


Day 5 – Your Dreams
Day 6 — Someone that inspires you
Day 7 — Your job
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

You’re reading part three of my 30 day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:

Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel
Day 2 — Your vices – Just Read It

We’re gonna excuse the tardiness of this post because I got off from work late and then had to drive 45 minutes home and I’m just going to do another plug for it tomorrow.

Today is going to be difficult. Not because I can’t think of enough nice things to say about my parents, but because I can’t put into words just how truly amazing they are.

See, there were four of us kids: her oldest son, my brother, myself and my sister…that’s a lot to keep up with. Birthdays, no problem – except when it comes to me and my sister, of course, as we’re a day apart. Christmas, however, is it’s own beast. During my Christmas trip back home in 2006, my mom told me about a Christmas fiasco I was too young to remember when it happened but now, I’ll never forget.

“Santa” and “Mrs. Claus” were finishing wrapping presents and setting them in their respective child piles. But then my dad…er, um…”Santa” realized that sweet little Krystin didn’t have half as many presents as the rest of the kids. How this happened, I don’t know. But dad wouldn’t have it. Here it is, like 2 a.m., and he puts on his clothes and gets in the car. Problem is: we’re from a small town. Everything closes at 10. And on holiday? Forget it…city shuts down at 6. What does he do? He starts heading to Houston. HOUSTON! An hour and a half away! There were some other details to the story: like how I ended up with the most presents and how I tore through them all and didn’t care because I was too young to understand. The day she told me that story, however, I went to bed early (early as in right after that story) and just cried.

I have this picture of me and my dad dancing at Christmas time (which is my favorite) that I have always loved. Excuse the quality – its a picture of an old picture and I TORE up my room looking for it.


It is honestly one of my most prized possessions. I think the thing I love about my dad is that our friendship comes so easy. I’m daddy’s little girl, but the joke is that I’m also his favorite son. I’m a sports fanatic and I’ll sit down and watch anything with him. But it started out because I just wanted to be anywhere he was. He’s such a great dad, partner in crime and best friend.

My mom and I are just alike. Anyone who knows us or who has seen both of us together would tell you that I’m the spitting image of her. I loved it when I was little. It drove me absolutely crazy once I became a teenager. But it’s more than our looks: we think just alike, we react to things just alike, everything. So I already know how she’s going to react to this post because I know how I’m responding to writing it. What she may not know, and it’s my own fault for never saying it to her, is how much I absolutely adore her. She’s loved me since before I ever was. The story goes something like this: she was young and had her first son but fell asleep one night and began to dream of a beautiful, brunette, green eyed baby girl. She held her and sang to her and loved her. And then she put the baby girl in a basonette and went to another room and came back to no baby. So, she gets down on the ground and starts crying out for her baby girl. Insert my grandmother, who wakes my mom up and in her sleep is literally crawling around on the floor looking for a baby girl and is convinced that she had one. Two kids later, here I am. For the longest part of my life, I hated that story. Mainly because a perfect dream baby girl is a hard expectation to live up to…especially when you don’t like who you are. I hated that baby. But the more I’ve gotten to know my mother as I’ve gotten older, she doesn’t care if I am perfect or not…it’s not the dream of me that she loves, it’s me. And that’s all I could ever ask for.

When I moved to Tennessee the first time, I had been here for about 3 1/2 weeks, I opened a drawer in my bathroom that I didn’t realize I had. Inside was this little treasure from my mom.


It’s from an old The Wilkinson’s song “26 Cents”…the first line says “She was sitting alone on a bus out of Beaumont” which is the neighboring city to us. I cry every time I hear that song.

But even better than my parents separately is them together. I’m blessed that my parents just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary on August 11th…and are still as disgustingly in love as they were when I was 5 and pushing them apart to try to make them stop kissing because it was gross. My parents have shown me unconditional love. It may not have always seemed like it, but it was. And even more than their love for me, they’ve used their relationship to show me what “real love” looks like. It’s the way that they are selfless – how they will always take care of us and their other friends and loved ones before themselves. The way that even though they do argue (never badly) and sometimes go to bed mad, they can’t imagine not going to bed together. They’ve struggled and had their moments where I’m sure they didn’t like each other, but they’ve chosen to stand beside each other – hand in hand, through thick and thin – because that’s REAL love. And if I’m being honest with myself, I think the reason I’m so scared of committment and I’m so scared to really allow myself to love someone is that I’m never going to be so amazing and graceful as my mother and I’m never going to have the strength and compassion of my father. In the worst time of my life, my 9th year, my parents had to watch me suffer and battle with myself and not know how to respond, but still my mom supported me and showered me in love and my dad chose to forgive the person who hurt me and was so patient with me as I was dealing with my fears of being hurt again. I don’t know how they did it and though there were times I wished I had different parents, I don’t think I’d be able to cope without them. God truly was showing off when he made them. And I’m so glad he gave me the blessing of being able to call them my parents.

Sidenote: if you ask me to tell you these or any other stories about my parents, please don’t do it in public. I’ll cry like a baby and embarass us both. And for the record, my favorite story about them is how they met in a bar…where my mom was the bartender. Coolest. Parents. EVER!


Day 4 — Your siblings
Day 5 – Your Dreams
Day 6 — Someone that inspires you
Day 7 — Your job
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

You’re reading part two of my 30 day blog challenge. Here’s what you’ve missed so far:
Day 1 — Your best friend – Rachel

 Today, I’m talking about my vices. Sure, most people talk about the things they’re addicted to or bad habits…and if I were to do that, I would say the show Criminal Minds, Sunset nachos, driving around aimlessly, not returning phone calls, letting the polish on my nails chip and crack and still not remove it (sorry, mom), and so many other things. But that’s not what I think of when I think of ‘my vices’. I see my failures. I see my shortcomings. I see all the things that make me unworthy of love, success, and grace

I’m working with the youth group at my amazing church, Crosspoint, here in Nashville. We meet on Wednesday nights for “Charge” and last night was unreal. It was an out-of-the-ordinary kind of night. Instead of a normal hang out>worship>message>hang out plan, we had a night or prayer and worship. There was a method to the madness: we prayed Upward, Inward, Outward and Forward. Before the night even started, you could feel the presence of the Lord. And it was heavy. Once the service began, hearing those kids shout prayers and praises to God – Upward -, seeing them pray about their lost friends and friends who have lost their way – Outward -, and seeing them pray about the future of their group and leaders and each other – Forward – was just amazing. I know that God has a purpose for me with these kids. But let me tell you about the most real moment of the night. Inward. We passed out notecards to each of the kids for them to think about the things that they felt were their, well, vices. The depravities of their hearts and lives that God was calling out in them and calling them to lay them at his feet. Pat, our family ministries pastor, and the rest of the Charge leadership team took it one step further. They brought in a large wooden cross, some hammers and some nails and told the kids that they could come and nail their burdens to the cross, if they felt led to do so. One by one, they got up…and the sound of them hammering in their cries for Christ…it was overwhelming. When I closed my eyes, I could imagine Jesus there – being nailed to the cross, taking on their sins, looking at each of them and just shouting his love for them. I think for the first time, some of them experienced true healing for their hearts. And it’s just what they needed as they start a new school year. I came home last night feeling so encouraged. Yesterday was all about encouragement in my life. And in the middle of the night, I learned why. See, the Lord really speaks to me in my dreams. Always has. My dream was a flashback to that service…except I could see myself sitting there. It was kind of creepy and weird. But then my dad showed up. And that got me excited because he’s my best friend and I haven’t seen him since July and that makes me sad. But he looked at me and told me I was beautiful…but then asked what my problem was. He said that he didn’t raise me to be so prideful. That there was no shame in admitting where I was wrong. He told me that I would never be able to move Forward until I looked Inward. Then I woke up. Immediately, I began to pray. So today, I’m putting out my vices for the world to see

I am selfish. I am deceitful. I am quick to anger. I don’t always trust that God is who He says He is…and I don’t always believe He’ll do what He says He’s going to do. I am prone to wander. I am unfaithful. I am everything that He says I shouldn’t be…and then some.

I’m reminded of a David Crowder song that says this:

I am full of earth, You are Heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me, You are divinity

It wrecks me everytime I hear it. But thank GOD that’s not where the song ends. The very next bit says this:

But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

WOW. Just, wow. What a beautifully painted picture. I may not have actually nailed my card to the cross last night, but my Father knows my heart and how, regardless of how many times I fail, I still long for Him. To know that He sees all of my awkward, bad, destructive vices and still uses me to make something beautiful. It’s more than I can fathom.

This life is a daily process. I daily have to choose Him, as we all do. But how can I not choose Him now when He chose me before time began?


Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your siblings
Day 5 – Your Dreams
Day 6 — Someone that inspires you
Day 7 — Your job
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I can’t tell you how many times I start a blog only to let it fall by the wayside.

I’m hoping this is different. I’m hoping this is a way that I can be a better version of me. I’m hoping that somehow I’ll be able to hold myself accountable to maintain this thing. And, suprisingly, I feel like I do have stuff to say. I am, however, gonna start with a 30 day series that I’m stealing from my friend Stephanie.

It’s gonna look a little bit like this:

Day 1 — Your best friend
Day 2 — Your vices
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your siblings
Day 5 – Your Dreams
Day 6 — Someone that inspires you
Day 7 — Your job
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend that you’ve never met
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — Your dream vacation
Day 13 — Something you’re looking forward to
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — The place you wish you were from
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Something that makes you different
Day 20 — Your favorite television shows
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Your pet peeves
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — A life changing moment
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The thing you most enjoy doing
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — Your talent
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

So…here we go!

Day 1 – My Best Friend Rachel

Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. No, wait…I totes do. Fraser, Colorado. Summer of 2005. Crooked Creek Ranch. I’m there to bring my Young Life kids to experience the ‘best week of their lives’ (and it is…guaranteed). Each day has a different theme(s) or activit(y/ies)…this particular day is ‘tableau’, where all the staffers, summer staffers, work crew, etc dress up in theme wear to help kick off Carnival Night. Crooked Creek, being a ranch, is western themed…so all the different people are dressed in old west gear and set up at many different stations – the doctor, cowboys & indians, bar scene, fight scene and, my personal favorite, the wedding scene. Here, we have a boy and a girl holding hands in front of a priest and a few guests…frozen in place so our kids can get a better idea of what kind of costumes to put together. So, picture me…a 19 year old, who acts like a five year old, toting around some of my kids when we walk up to a wedding scene. GAME TIME!!! We’re allowed to talk, taunt and tease these people and they’re not supposed to break character…frozen in place…and they have to deal with me. Lovely. Of course, myself and one of my HS boys pick the wedding scene…I stand behind the bride and he stands behind the groom…both of us whispering in their ears about the other one…”he looks beautiful”…”you’ve waited for this day your whole life!”…”look at those lips, he’s sooo kissable, don’t ya think?” BOOM! A shotgun rings out in the middle of the mountains and suddenly, the characters come to life. The bride looks at me. I take off running. I don’t remember seeing her again that week, though I know I did. Fast forward 6 months. I’m at a friend’s house here in Nashville for a Super Bowl party. I’m introduced to two girls and we seem to hit it off pretty well. We talk about life, where we’re from, Nashville and then get on to the topic of Young Life. We start talking about the camps we’ve been to/worked at. Crooked Creek comes up. We realize we were both there at the same time. Then, it hit me like a brick. She was the bride. And she must’ve seen it in my eyes because all of a sudden, she points her finger at me, cuts her eyes and says ‘YOU!’ I wanted to take off running again, for old times sake, but instead we both laughed. And then we were joined at the hip. For almost two years, we walked through life together. It was Krystin and Rachel taking on the world…or Nashville, at least. We laughed together, cried together, got put on Kelly Clarkson’s guest list in Chicago together. She stood beside me through my failures and hospital visits (which I’m ETERNALLY indebted to her for) and I stood beside her through awful roommates and learning about her condition of having Celiac’s disease (which is not probably what you’re thinking…it has to do with the food she can and can’t eat). Then, I left Tennessee. She walked with me through the first time my heart has truly ever been broken and never judged me whenever I called or texted that stupid boy again. Then, life took her back home to Colorado. Now, I’m back in Tennessee. And although it’s not, nor will it ever be, the same without her, we’re still walking through life and dealing with boys and distance and changes. I’ve never been so honored to have someone like her in my life and I don’t know what I’d do without her and I don’t know what I did to deserve her. But, she’s my amazing best friend…and I can’t imagine anyone else who I could talk about here.

Nashville is swell so far. It’s been rough – having to relearn what it’s like to live with someone again, realizing I’m the only one who can make my life what it is, and I’m the only one who is responsible for myself. It’s not easy, but I know God has brought me back here for a reason and I’m gonna figure out what it is and what it’s going to look like.

I had coffee with my amazingly talented friend Adam today. He is in the single most amazing band I’ve ever listened to: Neulore. I told him today that his EP has single-handedly changed the way I listen to music. And it’s true. It’s amazing. It’s conversations from the perspective of Adam (Biblical Adam) talking to Eve (also Biblical Eve). Its the words that everyone has been thinking about and no one knows how to say. And two years after first getting my hands on a copy, it’s still in my top 5 favorite albums I own. When he and Troy first started this thing, I honestly don’t think they had any idea what it was going to turn into. And after spending some time with Adam today, I have such a hope for his future. I love when my friends are driven and talented and just so passionate about life. I left him feeling so encouraged and ready for life, just in the way he talks about his. He has an amazing heart. I hope you get to know him one day. And I hope the world gets to hear his music. It’s unreal.

Seriously, I just have the most amazing friends. All so different; from different places and backgrounds, and yet, all walking through this amazing race we call life. I’m humbled to walk through it with them.

Tomorrow, I’ll be talking about my vices. I’m kind of scared about that…

little birdy told me…

Recurring Thoughts

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